What's different about being a wife?

So I've been going a bit nuts on pinterest with wedding ideas. The fact that my sister is getting married on August first isn't helping. There are so questions that are all directed at me, because as it seems I'm the authority on it. ^^ god knows why... I certainly don't.
All these wedding plans have made me think a lot about marriage and what it means to be married. What will change after we get married? We already live together and have for almost 4 years, we moved in together after about 3 1/2 months. We've had a dog together for 3 years on fourth of July. We've had joint finances for at least 3 years.
So what will change when we marry on our 5 year anniversary?
I think maybe it'll have that feeling of permanency. I take the "till death do you part" part of the vows very seriously! I feel that since divorce has been destigmatized (which I think is a great thing! Believe me!), people are more prone to just give up and throw the towel. I know that there are very good reasons to get divorced, and there are situations where I would consider divorce myself. On the other hand I know that marriages need work! And I know I will do my damnedest to work and make sure that this will be my one and only marriage!
The other thing that would change might be kids. That part won't kick in though, until after I finish grad school. When you spend that much time in school, you'll want to actually use it before having kids. So that will be a change, but not for a while.
I want to be able to be a good wife. I just worry that I won't be. What makes a good wife? How do I achieve that? I don't really have the best role models. My parents aren't really the best suited couple. My mother has a lot of baggage from her first marriage. Charlie's parents aren't together. My American grandparents should never have stayed together and I wasn't around my Swiss grandparents at an age where I would have seen how they were together and been able to learn from them.
When you search the Internet for advice there isn't really much. Or at least nothing that really seems useful to me.
I wish I had a support system. I don't really believe in religion, but I do envy the sense of community you can get from it.
What do I do if I mess up? Who do I go to for advice?

Greta

I finally finished Greta round two. I had started one but did not like the threads I had used and some of the fabrics weren't quite my choice. So I decided to make a second one. Since I was making this wallhanging for my dad and I wanted it to be perfect.
I chose the Greta pattern because it's a bear and my father's name is Urs. In latin ursus means bear. So my dad has lots of bear things. He also has so much crappy kid artwork of mine in his office, so I figured I'd make him something that I wasn't embarrassed to have him display.

Here is a picture of the wallhanging as a whole.

I tried to use the quilting to make it look like the sun had sunbeams.

Here's the dedication I made for my dad. I put it on the bottom right of the border so he could see it during the day as a reminder that I care.

Why do I feel so sad?

Well, as most anyone can attest to: everyone has some times in life where they are feeling more low than not. To quote the tv commercials: depression happens, depression hurts.
It sucks, and sometimes it feels like you fall into a hole you can't get out of it again, at least not on your own. But then you also don't want to drag someone down with you or make them feel it's their fault. It is a very delicate situation.
I've been thinking a lot about what to do to get out of this situation, or at least improve it. As so many of us do, I turned to google. I found multiple lists of ideas to help you feel better. I cherry picked my favorites from the lists, I also added some of my own ideas at the end and finally made a master list.
I have the list split up by the authors and have added their url to the bottom of the lists. So you can go look at their lists and see which elements I didn't copy and paste to my list. If I made comments they are in parentheses and most have my name after them.
The last part of the list is my ideas. I'd love to hear any ideas anyone else has! Please feel free to add your ideas in the comment section! I definitely welcome them!


What I have done for myself and will be testing out is printing the list of things that are fun to do and would make me feel happy by doing them, then I cut each activity out as a separate strip (that's why there are such big spaces between the lines). I put all the strips into a mason jar and am planing on taking a strip out each day and doing the activity on it. Of course I don't want to turn this into a chore, so I am leaving myself the out to put the strip back in and pick another one if I really don't feel like doing the first activity.

I am posting the list to the bottom of this post, and when I get home I am planing on attaching it as a file for people to download if they want.

I'm hoping this will help me regain the feeling of how lucky I really am to be leading the life I do. We all need these reminders, and of course I always want to share anything I can to help people!

Things to do to make yourself feel better!


Go outside in the sunshine for 10-15 minutes.


Take a break and read for 1/2 an hour.


Soak in tub of hot water while listening to music.


Surround yourself with candles and listen to music – or just peace and quiet.


Write a letter to someone you’ve not heard from in a while.


Write letters to older relatives; they will love it.


Blow bubbles.


Read to a child.


Have a cup of tea and a snack.


Call a friend.


Watch your favorite movie and have some popcorn (or your favorite treat).


Start a movie night with friends.


Get out of the house if you’ve been cooped up for a while.


Buy some flowers.


Make a list of things you’d like to accomplish throughout your life (like a bucket list).


Explore a subject that interests you.


Fill a notebook with upbeat, inspirational quotes and affirmations.


Add culture to your life; listen to classical music, look into art and find what you like, read good literature, etc.


Declutter your life/house/room/office, whatever needs it or seems manageable at the time.


Ask friends for suggestions of authors to try out, or books in different genres than you usually read. Try something new.


Get some exercise.


Invent new reasons to celebrate.


Give duty a rest for once; put pleasure and happiness first for a little while.


Have dessert for dinner one night.


Have breakfast for dinner one night.


Indulge in your favorite comfort food.


Read a humor book.


Eat better and drink more water.


Do one nice thing for yourself
Make a list of your accomplishments – over the last 10 years, or over your lifetime. See what you have achieved!


Take care of yourself: floss, exercise, eat better, get more sleep.


Be kind to yourself – as you would to others having a hard time.


Exercise more in general.


Keep a journal and write it out.


Write it out on a piece of paper and burn it or shred it when you are done.


Go for a walk.


Go to the park.


Go to somewhere alone for a little peace and quiet.

Try something new to you: a new type of book/magazine, a new recipe, a new cuisine, write a book, write an article, a new craft, and so on.


Make time for yourself every day.


Make a humor file and file cartoons, quotes, stories, and the like in it. Take it out when
you need cheering up.


Remember something funny that happened to you or around you and write about it.


Take a few deep breaths, and relax.


Change your hair color.


Read a book that challenges you or makes you think.


Try crossword puzzles.


Try putting together a puzzle.


Play with a kitten or a puppy, or whatever pet you have.


Go to a zoo.


Visit an aquarium.


Visit a friend.


Set boundaries; if you need peace and quiet, let others around you know.

http://thinkingthrough.wordpress.com/2007/05/19/101-ways-to-cheer-yourself-up/



Do some painting


Decorate your house with flowers.


Make a funny photo album with all those old photos you've got in boxes by adding quirky caption above each picture.


Write and illustrate a mini book or comic book


Go to a park or a place in nature.


Go for a walk.


Fly a kite.


Go on a 'treasure hunt" to find things for an art project.


Turn on your favorite music and sing!


Pull down the shades and dance (or leave them open).


Get some order in your house.


Change your furniture around.


Clear out the clutter.


Sell, throw, or give away stuff you don't need.


Take a bubble bath with candles, music and champagne (or wine).


Line up 2-3 movies to watch in bed while eating your favorite delights: ice cream, chocolate, whip cream, jello, popcorn, finger food hors d'oeuvre, and more.


Make some home made post cards with materials you have lying around the house.


Cutout some pictures from magazines or from your photo collection and make a mini collage.

http://www.dumblittleman.com/2008/01/10-things-you-can-do-to-cheer-yourself.html?m=1




Have a pajama party


Stay in bed. Just you, something (or someone) to snuggle, a laptop, notebook or sketchpad, some rad music, a good movie, and a hot cup of chocolate. It’s the perfect antidote for dreary weather or cancelled plans.
Buy a packet of ten postcards and send a note to your friends – even the ones you see every day. Tell them how awesome you think they are, and how much you love hanging out with them.


Create outfits of ridiculous clothes and accessories to do mundane tasks. Walk the dog in your bondage pants and Pantera shirt, vacuum the house in a tutu and high heels, buy milk at the store in nothing but a trench coat. -I’ll let you invent your own definition of “ridiculous”-.


Watch a DVD of one of your favorite stand-up comedians.


Run yourself a bath. Gather together all your exquisite bathroom pampering treatments – all the luscious soaps and decadent shower gels you haven’t opened because they’re “special” and you don’t want to use them up. Open them all. Use them all. Take the phone off the hook, put up a do-not-disturb sign, pour yourself a glass of wine or mead, put on some relaxing music, and read a book, or stare at the ceiling.


Blow bubbles. You can buy little jars of bubble mixture at those $2 shops, or make a simple bubble mixture at home using dish washing liquid, water, and sugar or corn syrup. TIP: Storing your solution for a day can actually lead to better bubbles.


Make your own kite.


Find one of those treasure-trove fabric and trimming shops with hundreds of bits of old lace and rooms of buttons and bins of fabric offcuts. Set yourself a budget – say, $15, and find a mad ensemble of items. Take them home and decorate a hat, headband, bag, necklace or bag.


Invite someone over for a midnight snack – someone who makes you laugh so hard your stomach hurts. Eat nachos from the plate together and giggle.


Quote Shakespeare at inappropriate moments.


Find a playground in your area. Swing on the swings. Better yet, if you have a backyard with a tree, build a swing for yourself. I find all the world’s problems can be solved by a little swing-time.


Write to Your Idols
Compile a list of all the people in the world you want to meet – all the amazing artists, writers, musicians, actors, thinkers, dreamers and activists who’ve inspired you over the years.


There’s something very peaceful about reading a book under a tree, or while sitting on a wooden bench in a deserted rose garden.


Hang Wind chimes
I’ve always loved the tinkle of wind chimes and crystals. I lined the entire length of my window in my room at my folk’s house with various chimes – ceramic bells I strung up with beads, clear crystals that sparkle in the sun, blown glass droplets which make an incredible sound when they clink together, a ceramic wind chime, dream catchers, African animals with bells … it’s so colorful and cheery.
(My mother has tons of crystals in various shapes and sizes hanging in all the windows, and when the sun hits them rainbows are everywhere - Bella)


You know exercise is good for you, and it makes you feel good. So exercise! Run around the block, do star jumps in the living room. Find the local ice-skating rink or rock climbing wall, hike through the park, practice yoga, salsa dancing or burlesque (you can find lots of free lessons on youtube).


No One at Home
Change your voicemail message to something hilarious. Mine says “Hello, you’ve reached Steff’s cell. Unfortunately, I can’t come to the phone right now, as I’m preparing for the imminent zombie apocalypse. If you’re listening to this, I suggest you find yourself a sharp implement and head to your nearest shopping mall.” All the messages I receive begin with the callers giggling.


Participate in Operation Beautiful
Operation Beautiful’s mission is to put up anonymous notes in public places for other women to find. The notes say “you are beautiful” and give the Operation Beautiful web address. I’ve put up a few around Auckland, and I hope they made somebody’s day.


Dig out your favorites – the music that makes you feel the world is full of wonder. Play loud, sing along, dance on the bed, throw your arms around, headbang, smash something, slow dance with your cat.

http://www.yesandyes.org/2010/03/101-ways-to-cheer-yourself-up-part-1.html?m=1



Make a bucket list.


Listen to Beth heart: favorite things. The song is all about the things you do that make you deliriously happy and giggly.


Write in a journal or diary.


Make a list of all the fabulous and supportive things you have in your life.


Have a good old fashioned tea party with a friend, drink tea and eat cucumber finger sandwiches.


Have a themed movie night, for example watch Kung fu movies, eat Chinese food and wear a headband or something like that. (This isn't meant to be politically incorrect or offensive, just for fun)


Have a silly competition like a mario cart race, a pizza eating competition.


Have a board game night (add some daiquiris and you are in for hilarity!)


Turn your phone off for two hours, or so, be unreachable!


Take some time to be alone, light a candle, and contemplate life, or missed loved ones. Make peace with your loss and remember the good times you had together.


Have some girl time! Go all out, with face masks, romcoms, bathrobes, etc.


Take time for yourself, do your nails, etc.


Smile. Fake it till you make it! Yes, at first it may be a fake smile, but it will develop into a real smile and make you feel happier after a while. Believe me, I've tried it.


Surround yourself with smells that make you feel happy.


Make little cheap gifts for people, giving always feels good. (Try out my bath salts tutorial)


In my case sew something. Creating something always makes me feel great and accomplished. I love the feeling of investing time and effort and having an end result from it. You can always create something using other methods than sewing, like knitting, paper mâché, a collage, paint, tie dye something, etc, ect.

Project inner peace

It has begun! The quest for happiness and contentment is underway!

More to follow soon!